Love, Expired

I believe in love. It just doesn't last.
"Cuma 4 tahun. 5 tahunlah kalau dikuat2in."

"Makanya kita menikah. Biar ketika cinta sudah pudar, ada komitmen yang mengikat kita."

"Cinta itu gak pudar, cuma berubah bentuk menjadi sesuatu yang lebih tenang, lebih nyaman..."

"Lebih membosankan. Gue bertahan ya gak mau nyakitin dia aja."

"The best way to survive life and live it to the fullest is to swap partners every 4 to 5 years."

"I love you too much. I want us to be friends. Kalau kita pacaran, paling 4 tahun lagi kita bosen dan akhirnya musuhan."
"I'd rather be your enemy than be your best fucking friend. So please give me my 4 years, then I would be the happiest enemy you have."

"I love you too much. I don't wanna lose my friend."

"I can't promise you forever but I know I can love you for 4 years."

"What if after 4 years and we're still in love?"

"Then I am open for another 4 years. But the interest rate will be different, honey."

"I'll try hard to be able to afford you for the next 4 years."

"Try hard. Love is not for granted."

"Love is not for pussy. Only the brave one can stay in love ever after."

"I would love to be the producer. i wish it was like a film, can we remake it?"

"No. I'm not in love with her anymore. Our 4 years was up. about love, expired."

Love, expired.

So before it's gone, I will put it into the big screen.

"Would you be my wife for 3 years and 9 months?"

Somehow it's enough

jadi mau sampai kapan lo mau kaya gini?

sampai lo tua and gak laku-laku? waktu gak bakal nunggu lo, sayang. Banyak yang lain yang dengan senang hati jadi lo.

Lo gak bosen ya nyanyi lagu mendayu-dayu? Minjem lirik orang buat bilang sayang? Bahkan lo gak bikin lirik lo sendiri. Katanya mau jadi penulis?

Lo gak capek mengeluh? Berasa masalah lo paling berat sedunia? Lo tau buruh2 demo di jalan tol buat apa? dua ratus ribu , neng.

Katanya lo orang pintar dengan otak bersinar. mana? mana? emang cuma butuh semangat, bukan pintar.

ini saatnya perang, biar setan dibungkam.

hari ini, bahagialah dengan jatah yang udah diberikan buat lo. paling besok semua kiamat. gak ada yang peduli lo mau jadi apa.

tenang. gak usah ngotot. lo ga akan menang juga. ujung-ujungnya semua debu.

but you know what?

Somehow it's enough.

Back Home

i'm back.

broken yet stronger.
defeated yet grateful.

how do you walk when you feel unworthy?

it's not about you, honey.

what?

it's not about you. so stand up and cut the nonsense. you have a road to finish.

but it is about me. who would ever want to see me?

it's not you. it's themselves they will see.

still i feel unworthy.

you are.

then why would they see ?

because it's not about you. it's about us. our fear. our love. our loss. our dream.

I still feel unworthy. I'm broken.

but you are still alive, with your hand and feet. now stand up and type.

what should i type?

anything but this unworthy shit.

promise me it won't be about me?

it's not about you.

i love you.

yeah yeah yeah.... now shut up and type. no drama for february. we have a lot of things to do.

i love you.

*sigh... i love you more.

Kuat

Hari ini gue memutuskan, gue kuat.

Gak akan lagi gue lemah. Gak mau lagi gue disetir orang.
Gak lo.
Gak dia.
Gak juga devil.


Gak gue banget sih lemah-lemah.

Gak usah doain gue. Ntar gue yang doain kalian biar kalian semua tenang. Gak usah panik. Gak akan lagi gue jatuh.

Gak kan gue bawa-bawa Tuhan. Terlalu sering Dia jadi pembenaran penakut-penakut buat gak berani bertanggung jawab atas kesalahan sendiri.

Gak usah bawa-bawa devil. Terlalu sering doi disalahkan atas kelakuan gue.

Gue yang devil.

Gak akan gue minta maaf. Gue emang devil, tapi lo juga. Jadi sesama devil gak usah saling menyalahkan.
 

Makasih atas nasehat ke gue. tapi gue ngerasa lo terlalu baik buat rela ngurusin masalah anak kecil kaya gue.

You have bigger purposes than me. Don't make me your excuses.

Hari ini gue mau kuat.

Hari ini gue kuat.

Mama's Pray

ketika ayat-ayat cuma bikin muak
nasehat buat tambah berontak
kata-kata yang dipanjatkan diam-diam
menyatakan kuasanya

dalam hening
si bebal terisak minta ampun
dalam hening
dia kembali bahagia

I need more of your silent prayer
to keep this love beautiful

I love you, mama.

Lagu Sendu*

Orang yang menyanyikan nyanyian untuk hati yang sedih
adalah seperti orang yang menanggalkan baju di musim dingin
dan seperti cuka pada luka

Jadi di hari tanpa nada ini
Mari kita nikmati luka
Bersama tawa dan sedikit air mata
Biarkan waktu pelan-pelan menutupnya

Dan jika suatu hari nanti ia kembali menganga
Lihat langit dan syukuri sinarnya

I'm yours.

Beautiful Mistake

If there were such a thing called mistake,

you are the most beautiful mistake I did.

I'm not sorry and no regret for anything we did, 

even after I need to erase you from my life.

By life,

Still no regret. I appreciate all you did for me. You showed me the worst and best part of me.

For better or worse, I'm thankful I got you. But if you need a place to crash, no "I got you". You hurt with all this. "I got you" nonsense.

I'm sorry for the pain I cause you.

Thank you for loving me. I promise you, the next you will have a better than me.

And I will have a better than you.

Bimbang

Pertama kali aku tergugah..

Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap..

Bila malam tlah datang, terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan..

Kata orang rindu itu indah, namun bagiku ini menyiksa..

Sejenak ku fikirkan, untuk ku benci saja dirimu, namun sulit ku membenci..

Pejamkan mata, bila ku ingin bernafas lega..

Dalam anganku, aku berada di satu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih..

Ku peluk semua indah hidupku, hikmah yang kurasa sangat tulus..

Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa..

Namun ada yang hilang separuh diriku..

Bimbang, Melly Goeslaw.

evoL.

Love.

Let me stunned for a moment.

Let me trace every inch of story and I believe that I've ever had anything to do with love.

Let me specify any "relationship" that was, and usually I called "in the name of love"

Love. I didn’t find any happiness yet.

Relation of  heart that has been woven, and have been combing the day with various feeling: laughter, tears, anxiety, longing, and so on, also reap nothing yet.

When the relation must be broken in the middle of his journey, just a bitter and sadness feeling is left alone. Happy is just to be a single word in a line with a magnificent floating white cloud and stood in the big sky.

Anyway, maybe I should keep looking for other stories about love. Maybe love is still allergic to greet me in earnest. Don’t be surprised if up to this moment, I still shadowed by the question for the faithful of love when I’m going to sleep and my morning arriving.

Really?

Love is life?

Love is hope?

Love is happiness itself?

Love is a gift?

Love is blind?

Love is desperate to be happy?

Love is a deliberate ignorance?

Love is not just words?

Love is simple?

Love is the last terminal?

If love is alive, why am I like to die now?

If love is the hope, why am I like the despairing now?

If love is happy, why am I sad today?

If love is a gift, why do I feel like punished?

If love is blind, why is it like I can "see" things that shouldn’t I see in love.

If love is the despair of joy, in fact I'm not happy right now.

If love is not just words, why I'm so sick of this because of what love do?

If love is simple, why it could be so complicated?

If love is the last terminal, why should there be late again?

What we remember from the memories recorded by us? Name of place, name of the game, names of friends, events, incidents, are things that might be forgotten slowly. But not with feeling.

Joy, sadness, i will continue to take it without easily scattered along our journey.

Love is not visible to the eyes, not palpable by hand, but it’s been around since we can’t say anything about it anymore.

True love, love that when we think about something has gone, it's just hiding, waiting to come back again. love that won’t blind because it will guide me, lead you, guide us, forever.

Someday the love is always there for me, and don’t let my heart locked, for one last name.

Otak-Otak

Otak kiri terus bersabda betapa lo gak worth it dinanti. Betapa lo cuma ngomong sayang doang dan gak sesuai kenyataan. Betapa I deserve so much better in life. Betapa ada kok yang sayang ama gue. Betapa gue selama ini buta.

Tapi otak kanan masih percaya semua kata sayang lo.

Kanan, kalaupun dia sayang, lo tetap ga boleh sayang.

Kiri, emang sayang bisa dilarang?

Kanan, this is just a phase. This too shall pass.

Kiri, dia perfect. Lo gak akan nemu orang sesempurna dia.

Kanan, you are so much better than you thought. Just lose some kilos and you can get anyone you want.

Kiri, gue maunya dia.

Kanan, dia gak mau elo. Kalaupun mau, gak selamanya. Lo akan ditinggal.

Kiri, gue gak apa-apa selama masih bisa lihat dia.

Kanan, shame on you. Nothing will come out of this but bitterness and sadness. Now get up. You have a thesis to finish.

Kiri, how can I finish a thesis like this?

Kanan, just use your otak kiri.